20 years

20 years of living with anorexia, bulimia and disordered eating.
20 years of believing that the only happiness I'd ever get out of life was through eating crappy food and throwing it down the toilet, and through starving myself the rest of the time, so that my body stayed painfully thin and weak.
20 years of being too damn scared to go anywhere, to have people stay around my house and socialise with and do all the crazy shit that most people would regard as fun. Ordinary social situations were- and, to some extent, still are- downright hell, especially when I'm forced to have to integrate with ignorant fuckwits who don't give a damn about my struggles or my situation and continue to insist that I partake in their crappy, overindulgant eating regime and pretend that it's this thing called love. No it fucking is not! These fuckers don't even know what the fuck love is, and I'm just finding that out after 20 years of putting up with their bullshit.
Yeah, I believed it too. That the only way to be 'accepted' was to eat the same shit that they stuffed down their cake holes, and that I had absolutely no right to object when they rammed the same shit down my kids' throats and called that shit love.
I used to think that high fat, sugary food was the only food that tasted good and so I used to seek it out. But really, I wasn't enjoying it at all. In reality, it all tasted the fucking same. Despite deluding myself into thinking that I was being an 'adventurous eater', the only flavours I really knew were fat, sugar and salt.
I had to change my perception of food, and eat for what my body NEEDED, rather than what my tongue WANTED. And yeah, it's been a fucking tough decision to have to make, but what was the alternative?
It's been 20 years of misery basically, and it ain't over by a long shot. I've had up days and major rock bottom down days, and I know there's plenty more to come, but I know I'll come up again to keep fighting another day. This bitch ain't done yet- especially when I can finally hold my head up and say that not only does food taste good. It DOES good.

You're gonna piss off a lot of people when you start doing what's best for you. Well, those motherfuckers can go and do one.

Can't someone eat some fucking plants without being fucking labelled as something?
I shouldn't have to be made to feel ashamed for wanting to take care of myself.
I shouldn't be made to feel ashamed for wanting to eat more healthily.
I shouldn't be made to feel ashamed for not wanting to put crap inside my body.
I shouldn't feel ashamed for wanting to respect my body for the temple that it is. It's the best fucking friend I've ever had, because it stuck by me through all my shit and it hasn't given up on me yet.
Cows shouldn't have to suffer. I respect that, but I don't really give a shit about animals. I don't give a shit about anything that's outside of my circle. I'm doing this for me, no one else.
My life.
My journey.
My fucking gob and my fucking body that I treated like shit for so many goddamn years.
So if you've already made a certain assumption about me, I'll tell you straight. I'm not a fucking vegan. I think those assholes are stupid. Sorry, but that's my opinion. I refuse to associate myself with anything ending in an 'ism'. Fascism ends in an 'ism.' Fuck that shit.
Animal cruelty will only stop if people stop being cruel. And they can't even stop being cruel to themselves, so what chance do animals have?
If you like, I'll go with flexitarian. I'm cool with that. I eat for health, not for ethics. If you put ethics before health, that's the stupidest, dumb fucking thing you could ever do, because for one thing, you're gonna fuck up your health, and then what use will you be to anyone?
Yeah, I eat mainly plant-based, home cooked meals, which automatically eliminates most unethical foods, such as palm oil, ect, but not all. I can't afford to buy organic because it's fucking expensive, so all kinds of pesticides are going down the shoot. C'est la fucking vie. And my diet is also low in omega 3, vitamin D, B12 and ferrous iron. So if the doctor says I need some fucking beef, then I'll fucking eat some, instead of those shitty, expensive tablets. And I already have no qualms about eating the odd bit of fish, plus an egg or two now and again. It's called common fucking sense. And yeah, some animals have to fucking die. It's called life, bitches.

Beauty Is a Matter of Opinion and Your's Is The Only One That Counts

It doesn't matter if you're the most beautiful person in the world- in many ways you have more to lose, because most of us will end up looking old and decrepit, no matter how much anti-wrinkle cream we slather onto our faces. And the idea of beauty in the west is just that. An idea. Not an ideal. It is used purely for marketing purposes, in order to make US feel inadequate enough to part ways with our cash.
For example: we're told that our skin is too white, and so we cook ourselves in the sun or buy fake tanning products to change the colour of it, and yet in the East, manufacturers are selling skin whitening products by the ton.
In South Africa, beauty is a Ndebele woman wearing many idzilla, bronze or copper neck rings, so that over time, the the shoulders and collar bones are pushed down, making the neck appear longer; and this is also a tradition in other ethnic groups, such as the Karen Tribe of Padaung, Burma and the Kayan 'giraffe' people of Thailand; while the Mursi tribe of Ethiopia have their incisors removed and their lower lip pierced and stretched over clay disks, some the size of dinner plates.
At least these guys do it for spiritual and other complex reasons, rather than to be influenced by some oversimplistic, and not to mention, warped paragon of how a woman should look.
People are so concerned about what goes on outside, that they often miss what's going on inside. It doesn't matter if people think you are beautiful, the most important thing is for YOU to BELIEVE that you are.
And maybe if those celebs would only grow a personality, maybe they wouldn't need to spend so much money on having parts of their butt cheeks removed in order to have it stuffed into their faces.

An example of the sort of things I post on Instagram

This was my lunch. I'm having a tough day today, because I put on weight, but I've been eating the same shit, and yet I'm so fucking hungry it drives me insane. Today I drove passed KFC and I wanted to fuckin dive in there and lick everybody's goddamn fingers! But on the plus side, my yoga practice has been a lot better, so hopefully it's muscle or water or something rather than lard on my ass. (Yeah, I practice Ashtanga Yoga, but I'll save that for another time).
Either way, whatever I do, I must STICK WITH THIS GODDAMN MEAL PLAN. Just stick with it, and don't waver. I've come too fuckin far to fall back into that dark hole that is bulimia. May it burn and rot forever!